There really isn’t any such thing as a silly question.
This especially applies to the sex industry, where it’s almost impossible to find answers without actually booking an escort and asking them yourself. Luckily for you, I have a faster way. I’m collecting all your questions anonymously, and over the course of January I’m going to post them – and my thoughts – on this page for all to read.
Why am I doing this? Because I think everyone should be able to ask for help. And because I want you all to understand that you’re not alone…that hundreds of people all over Australia see escorts, and that nobody has all the answers.
Whether your question is complicated, basic, important, or trivial, it’s welcome here. Enter your query into the form below to get started!
- What can I do about STI risk?
- What sort of personal conversation is okay to have with an escort?
- Are compliments from an escort genuine?
- I’m a virgin – is seeing an escort a good idea?
- How long should I wait for a response to my booking request?
- Is it rude to ask an escort to wear specific clothes?
- How do you handle pushy clients?
- Is is ok to have an inflatable penile implant?
- Do escorts hurt if they have too much sex?
- Will my regular escort be upset if I start seeing someone else?
Georgie: STD (or, as we usually say, STI) stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection. It’s anything you can catch getting sexy with other people (not just sexual intercourse, but also other stuff like oral sex and touching.) STIs are unfortunately on the rise among the wider population, because less folks are using condoms – boo!
The good news for Aussies is that our sex workers tend to have awesome safer sex standards. Because we’re so used to doing sex right, we’re also very good at keeping sex as safe as possible. So when you choose to see a sex worker, you might even be better off than shagging someone off Tinder. But there’s always a risk – that’s why we call it ‘safer sex’ not ‘safe sex.’ This is something both clients and escorts should be concerned with – it’s really important that we all protect our health.
Using condoms for intercourse and oral sex will go a long way towards reducing your risk of most STIs. there are a few (including herpes and genital warts) that you can get just from skin contact, but pretty much everything else can be dealt with by careful condom use. Being careful where you put your hands is another pro tip – don’t touch your bits and then touch someone else’s junk or mouth. And don’t let your bits rub against anyone else’s.
NOTE: it’s not just about sexual penetration, there are a number of STIs you can get from oral sex. I know this isn’t fun for some folks to hear, because they don’t like using condoms when they receive blow jobs. But oral is a risk for some STIs, so if you’re worried, it pays to cover up. Lots of workers don’t offer uncovered oral for precisely this reason. However, some see it as an acceptable risk. At the end of the day, it’s up to the people involved to set their own standards.
Above all, remember to get an STI test regularly if you’re getting sexy with anyone (whether they’re an escort, a client or a date). Getting tested means that, in the event you pick anything up, it can be treated fast. Not all STIs show symptoms, so you need to check before it really starts to affect you.
How safe you want to be in your encounters is up to you, but you always have to respect your partner’s needs. The golden rule is ‘whoever’s safer sex standards are higher, that is the standard we use.’ Escorts each have their own ways of doing safer sex, and it’s really important that you respect their wishes … but you’re also allowed to ask for more safety, if you feel you need it.
But basically, getting really good at using condoms and paying attention to your safer sex stuff will eliminate HEAPS of risk, to the point where you should definitely be able to relax and enjoy yourself.
P.S. This probably isn’t you, but sometimes we stress out endlessly about getting an STI, even when we’re being as safe as possible. This might be a sign you’re feeling some guilt, shame, or anxiety around sex. If your fear feels like it’s getting out of hand or interfering with your ability to enjoy sex, I’d recommend a good sex-positive counsellor.
Q: [Edited for length] In my life when I meet people & develop a bond over time I naturally want to know about their life. I also think this is a true with an escort. Over time, doing research & innocently saying or asking the wrong thing I’ve learnt that the personal is off-limits. What advice would you give a client when talking face to face to a escort?
Georgie: This is a question about boundaries. When it comes to conversation, boundaries are the invisible lines we draw in our lives between the stuff we do want to share with others, and the stuff we don’t. Everyone has things they are comfortable talking about with strangers and things they’d rather not discuss – and we all know this, right? Otherwise we’d all start telling the check-out person at K-Mart about our messy breakups or personal problems!
The problem is, sex makes things complicated. So even though your escort is a professional and may only just have met you, the fact that you’re getting naked with them can make the boundaries seem blurry – it might seem okay to talk about personal stuff because you’re DOING personal stuff.
But a relationship with an escort is like getting to know anyone else. You need to give them time to trust and open up to you. And as professionals, there are some things we’re never going to want to share, no matter how long we have known you. This may include details of our private lives, families, other jobs. We might also be wary of anything that could risk our safety, such as where we live.
A good rule of thumb is to stick to conversation topics that concern the stuff you’re doing together. If you go out to dinner, it’s okay to ask them what their favourite food is. If you’re getting up to something kinky, it’s okay to ask what else they’re into. Keep the conversation general, and talk about your plans together or past adventures.
Unless your escort volunteers details of their private life, I’d recommend you don’t ask. As you get to know someone over time, they will choose which details they are comfortable sharing (if any). Either way, feeling close to someone is much more about the connection, than about knowing all their ‘secrets,’ and if you push for the private details of our lives we’re going to feel uncomfortable, and you’ll get a bad service.
Georgie: This is a similar sort of question to, ‘Is my escort genuine, or are they faking it?’ The truth is that there’s no one answer….escorts are people like anyone else, and the compliments we pay you might be more or less genuine, depending on the situation and how well we’ve connected.
It’s our job to make you feel good … so, for example, I always try to find the things I like about a client and tell them, so that they feel appreciated. This is part of the service, and if you didn’t lie back and enjoy it then you’d be letting yourself down. It’s what you’re paying for!
It doesn’t mean I’m lying, though. I don’t enjoy flattery – it feels fake and uncomfortable.
If you and your escort aren’t getting on as well as you want, or there’s some awkwardness, then you might feel a compliment isn’t meant honestly. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is trying to trick you – often it actually means we care about making you happy, but are feeling a bit awkward and haven’t said the right thing.
Whatever you do, don’t ask. There’s nothing worse than a client saying, ‘Do you REALLY mean that, though?’ It’s a real mood killer.
And anyway, your opinion of yourself is the most important thing…do you think the compliment is realistic? If so, you can feel good about it. If you feel it’s fake, you don’t have to take it to heart, but it’s good manners to say ‘thanks,’ and simply move on.
Q: I’m a 25 years old virgin guy who has never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl due to insecurity problems. I know that in the end what I want is a romantic relationship, and that I need to get over my insecurities to achieve that. But I’m also really curious about sex and I want to experience it, although I feel like some connection would be important to me, because I don’t want to feel like I’m using another person for my physical pleasure as if she was a Fleshlight or a sex doll. I’ve been thinking about escorts a lot recently, but I don’t know… Could escorts really be a good option for me? How can I have sex with connection if my actions could easily be seen as desperate and cause pity? Would it become a problem in the future if a girlfriend or potential girlfriend found out? Would I need to take that secret to my grave?
Georgie: Seeing an escort to lose your virginity is definitely something some guys do. Often it’s a deliberate move, to ‘get it out of the way’ so that they can relax and start dating people without feeling anxious about their lack of sexual experience. Or, if someone has trouble finding a partner, it can be a totally valid way to explore your sexuality.
Is it right for everyone? No. Is it a great option? Yeah, it sure is!
The thing to know about seeing an escort is that it’s a sexual service – it’s not going to be the same experience as dating someone. When you see an escort there’s much less time to make an emotional connection – the connection is still there, but it’s going to feel different to being with someone you know really well. Personally, I don’t see this as a problem…but if you are really hung up on the idea that sex needs to happen along with love and commitment, seeing an escort might not tick the right boxes for you.
Having said that, seeing an escort is not just about ‘using someone’s body.’ It’s an exchange where you get to know them a little, and their participation is just as important as yours – so it’s nothing like having a sex doll! Treating your partners as objects makes for very bad sex – the best way to go about it is to think “how can this be fun for both of us?” .. or, better still, ask them, “what can I do to make this fun for you too?” Caring about whether your partner is enjoying themselves is the whole reason sex with another person is so good! Don’t make the mistake of thinking that emotional stuff doesn’t happen, just because you’re seeing an escort.
I wholeheartedly encourage guys who want to learn about sex to see escorts. If you choose the right person, it can be a really safe way to give it a go.
As for the future…well, I guess how you feel about losing your virginity to an escort depends on how you feel about yourself. If you beat yourself up for seeing a sex worker, or feel inadequate, then it might tarnish your memories of that experience. But honestly, lots of guys see escorts to have their sexual needs met, and it doesn’t mean they’re desperate. We don’t feel guilty for paying someone to give us a massage, so why do we feel guilty about paying someone for another type of physical service? Lots of people see escorts for all sorts of reasons, including people who are in relationships or who get laid a lot in their won time. It’s not something to be ashamed of.
And if you meet someone in the future and start having a relationship? Unfortunately, due to the fact that society is so down on sex work, they might have a reaction to it. It’s your job to weight up that risk, and decide whether your needs now are more important than the risk of being judged by a date in the future. Personally, if my partner judged me for my past sexual adventures, I’d just DTMFA.
Georgie: It’s really difficult to give a specific time to wait for a reply to your booking request. Everyone has a different way of doing business, so where one escort might reply within the hour, another might take two days. It’s one of the reasons I ALWAYS recommend booking ahead – not trying to make last-minute bookings. If you’re looking for a same-day appointment and the escort you contact happens to be away for the day, you’re just going to waste your own time waiting for them to get back to you.
One of my clients, Mr B, is very experienced and has been seeing escorts for years. He sets a hard limit of three days to wait for a reply, and then moves on to the next person on his list of options. I think it’s great to set a rule like this and stick to it – it means you don’t spend a week worrying, and it also allows you to work out who is professional straight away. It’s really important to ensure your escort is reliable and professional, and a prompt reply is one way of working it out (along with how they write their messages, and how clear they are about their services.)
For the same reasons as above, I don’t know if a gentle reminder is necessary…if you get a reply then great, and if you don’t then it’s time to try your next best option.
If you don’t hear back within your chosen time limit, try not to take it personally. Escorts might drop out of communication for all sorts of valid reasons – travel, being on long bookings, personal life, taking a rest…not getting a reply doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done anything wrong. BUT if you have contacted several escorts and haven’t received a reply from any, it might be time to look over your messages and make sure you’re sending the right type of booking inquiry. Here’s a quick video about sending a good booking request.
Georgie: One of the great things about seeing escorts is that it allows you to ask for what you want. It’s not like standing in a bar hoping the woman you like will taken an interest – you get to ask, and get specific about the sort of services you want. Part of those services might include a specific type of lingerie or dress, if that’s something that you fantasise about. So yes, it’s okay to ask when you send your booking request.
But you do need to know that an escort date is about what BOTH of you want – it’s not about dictating every little thing your date does. You can ask, sure, but the escort might not necessarily be able or willing. I recommend asking for the stuff that’s important to you up-front – include a list of your requirements in your booking message, so that the escort can tell you straight away if your requests are possible. If they don’t offer what you need, you’ll be able to move on and try someone else without inconveniencing anyone.
There’s a limit to how many specific requests we can fulfil in one booking. If you ask for a specific set of lingerie you’ve seen in her pictures, great. But keep it simple – don’t ask for five different things at once. Try and stick to items you know they already have in their wardrobe, or very general items (eg ‘little black dress’ or ‘lacy white underwear’) that most escorts are likely to have. If you have a really specific dress requirement or fantasy, or are wanting a number of different items, you may wish to offer to pay extra so that the escort can source the items (or simply take them on a shopping trip as part of your time together!)
Keeping it simple is crucial, because the more energy an escort must use preparing for the session, the less energy they will have for you in the bedroom. Keep it straightforward, and you’ll have a much better date.
Georgie: It’s a fact that most people in the world are pretty bad at asking for what they want, and pretty bad at hearing ‘no.’ This causes all sorts of complications, not just for escorts but also for regular folks. But it’s also kind of understandable – nobody ever gets taught how to have these conversations, so sometimes clients think that the only way to get what they want is to be pushy instead of just asking politely.
My strategy for people who are pushy is to be really clear on my boundaries. If they’re pushing me for something I don’t provide, I make it really clear so that they know they’ve overstepped the line. It usually goes something like “I notice you keep trying to do this thing even though I’ve said I don’t like it – that’s not okay. You need to stop, or you’re not going to have an enjoyable session.”
Most people are terribly sorry at this stage – often they don’t realise they’re being unpleasant, because nobody has ever pointed it out to them before. It’s helpful to gently talk about it, so that they change their behaviour. This is important not just for me, but for every other escort they might see in the future. Feeling harassed or pushed is bad for an escort, it will make them feel disrespected or unsafe. This is totally not on, and will also ruin the vibe of the booking.
Very occasionally, a client might decide to keep being pushy and disregard my needs. This is at best asshole behaviour, and at worst sexual assault (depending on what sort of unwanted behaviour it is.) I’ve never had to do it, but I’d have absolutely no problem ending the session on the spot if a client disrespected my boundaries. It’s also worth noting that initiating sexual contact without permission (or not stopping when asked) is sexual assault, and clients have been charged by police over this sort of behaviour.
Escorts are people too, and the way to have the best escort date possible is to treat us with kindness. I reckon all those pushy people out there don’t know what they’re missing out on!
Georgie: I’ve had lots of clients that needed some extra care in the pants department. This includes: guys who have erectile dysfunction and need to use injections before sex, guys who have trouble with their foreskins, people who are really really nervous because they think their ‘bits’ don’t measure up, and guys who have trouble cumming (but still really enjoy sex.) everybody’s body is different, and if your penis has something interesting going on, you’re not alone.
I can’t see why having a penile implant would be a problem for an escort – it certainly wouldn’t be for me, if you were my client! the only thing I’d recommend is mentioning it in your first booking request email – it might feel awkward to bring it up, but we really appreciate knowing if there’s anything about your body that might require extra care and attention. That’s how we do a good job.
Georgie: It’s really tricky to give an answer as to how much sex and escort has! Some workers might see several clients in a day, and some might only see one a week – or anything in-between. It really depends on the person.
Good sex shouldn’t hurt, and you’d have to be having some pretty intense sexual marathons in order to feel discomfort. I know that old-school sex-education might have some people thinking that our sexy bits can be worn out or stretched by ‘too much sex’ (whatever that means) but that’s not how it works. Pussies are just like cocks – they’re strong, resilient and good for unlimited fun, if we take care of them properly.
When it comes to heterosexual PIV, having a well-endowed partner can sometimes cause soreness. If you’re larger-than-average in the pants department it’s polite to go extra slowly and check in with your partner to make sure they’re comfortable. Actually, this is pretty good advice for everyone, whether you’re using your cock, toys, fingers or hands.
And no matter the size of your dick, using lots of personal lubricant is super important. If you notice things getting a bit dry or chafey, please ask if we need more lube! This is even more true for anal – you need tons of lube, and to go slowly and make sure your partner is enjoying themselves.
Q: I’ve been seeing the same escort for almost 2 years and feel as though we have developed a warm wonderful connection based around boundaries and trust. I really look forward to each encounter. My question is this; Do escorts feel put out or upset if a regular client chooses to see another provider?
I feel awkward raising this with her.
Georgie: Answer coming soon!