What’s the difference between a new escort client, and an experienced player?
Clients come in all shapes and sizes. They are young, old, or middle-aged. They are married, single, or just experimenting. They are professionally successful, or work minimum wage. They may be well-dressed, or just look like the next average person. They are be socially confident, nervous, or anywhere in-between.
You can’t tell by how someone looks, dresses, or talks. But there’s something about an experienced client that sets them apart.
I notice this a lot now, probably because I’ve been working as an escort for so long. In the beginning, I assumed that the guys who were the most nervous were the ones with the least experience. Whenever I saw someone whose hand was shaking so much that they couldn’t pour their first glass of wine, I felt sorry for them and I’d rush in to reassure them and talk with them about how the session was going to go, so that they’d relax. But what I found was that the nervousness wasn’t always about not knowing what was going to happen. Sometimes clients were just easily prone to awkwardness; it was a struggle they had to deal with every time, even though they had been seeing escorts for years.
The other wrong assumption I would make was that guys who acted cool and confident had already seen lots of other workers. These were the ones with really good social skills, who could just wander into my hotel room and effortlessly start up a friendly conversation. (This sometimes makes me a little jealous, because outside of my job I’m incredibly socially anxious!) I was always grateful for their efforts, and I figured that these people – the ones who seemed so at ease – must know exactly what they were doing. Imagine my surprise when we’d get to talking and they confessed that our date was their first time! I was amazed.
The truth is, there is a big difference between new clients and experienced clients. But it has very little to do with their social or sexual confidence. Rather, it’s all about how well they know themselves, and how much they know of what to expect.
An experienced client will politely ask the right questions in their first booking email. “Do you like to cuddle?” they might say. Or, “I’ve found that I prefer a glass or two of wine beforehand, and perhaps a bath. Is that something you’re interested in?” Having experimented at length, they know what sort of activities they enjoy and they aren’t shy about asking for them. When we’re alone together in the room and I suggest a particular position or new play idea, they’re enthusiastic about the new things they want, and firm on the things they don’t.
I’ve found that an experienced client knows how escorts prefer to work, that it’s better to be flexible than force things to a schedule. Where a new client might be worry endlessly about how much time will be spend talking, how much on showering, and how much on sex, the experienced player understands that allowing things to ‘go with the flow’ will result in a session that feels more natural.
And there’s one last thing that I’ve noticed, and it’s impossible to fake. When a client becomes accustomed to seeing escorts, there’s a certain level of ease that they bring to their sessions. They don’t feel guilty or ashamed. They don’t feel the need to apologise. They have come to understand that escorts are people too and accept that seeing a sex worker is just another type of human interaction – neither better nor worse than any other. With that level of understanding, they can put aside any negative or anxious feelings and simply give themselves over to the whole experience, cherishing everything they gain from it.
Knowing how to enjoy pleasure without guilt – that’s my favourite sign of an experienced client. If you’re not there yet, one day you will be…
Need support for your escort adventures? Have questions you want answered? I offer one-on-one client coaching.
This article is also published on Scarlet Blue.