I had a disastrous booking recently, but it wasn’t my fault.
A guy from the country had decided to book a friend and me for a double. It was his first time seeing an escort, so it was a really big deal – we were planning on going out to dinner with him, and then we would be taking him back to his hotel for an amazing night of wild, kinky sex.
Unfortunately the evening didn’t go according to plan.
The client was so nervous that by the time we arrived to meet him he had already drunk and entire bottle of champagne by himself. He was completely wasted. we came through his hotel room door just as he was ordering another bottle: shirt un-tucked, dishevelled, and so drunk that we could barely understand what he was saying.
He couldn’t find all of the money that was owed to us (he’d put it in one of the pockets of his jacket and forgotten where it was.) He didn’t want to go out to dinner because he wasn’t hungry (although we sure were!) When we suggested taking him to bed, he was so nervous that every time we lay down on the bed with him he kept jumping up and calling room service for more champagne.
We could tell he wasn’t ready to see an escort – let alone two at once. We knew it, and deep down he knew it too. But he had tried to push through anyway, by drinking himself into a stupor. All it achieved was that he looked unattractive, made us mad (because he couldn’t pay our full fee) and got himself into even more of a nervous state. We ended up leaving him in his hotel room after only a couple of hours (and no sex), figuring he needed to sleep off the effects of his drinking.
Although it was a difficult situation for me, I also felt sorry for the client. It was clear that he was terrified, and didn’t know what to expect. Instead of being honest about his feelings he’d tried to drink his way out of the situation.
Seeing an escort can be nerve-wracking, especially if it’s your first time. Getting sexy with someone new is always a scary situation (regardless of whether you’re paying or not). Also, nobody really knows what to expect from an escort booking. What will it be like? What are you allowed to ask for? How are you going to feel afterwards? There’s a stigma around seeing sex workers that means we can’t ask our friends for advice. It’s a real shame because so many people (of all genders) pay for sex … but because society tells us we’re not allowed to talk about it, there isn’t much information available.
Here are the four ideas I think might help.
1. Make sure you’re clear on what you need.
A successful booking starts with self knowledge. What do you need out of this? An escort date isn’t just about a shag. There are lots of reasons we get sexy, including: sex (involving genitals and/or orgasms), touch (affectionate physical contact), attention (being told you’re special), talk (connecting intellectually), fantasies (trying something ‘hot’), kink (such as role play or spanking), and learning (practicing your social and sexual skills). When you’re searching for the right escort, make sure you tell them what sort of interactions you need. That way they can work out whether you’re well suited.
2. How you present yourself will affect how well your sex worker treats you.
We’re all human beings at the end of the day. It’s not about being ‘hot’ or ‘young’ or whatever – it’s about showing you’ve made an effort. For me, this means good personal hygiene and dressing up (whatever that means to you!) It also means following my preferred booking procedure, as describes in my ads and on my website.
3. Your skills and attitude still count, even though you’re paying.
Having sex and connection skills go a long way towards making your sex spectacular instead of boring. It’s not just the escort’s job to make it happen – it takes two to tango. I’d recommend reading more of the Scarlet Blue Guest Blog, or perhaps checking out a sex-positive podcast such as the Savage Lovecast or Sex Nerd Sandra. A good escort understands that not everyone has had the opportunity to learn sex and social skills, and won’t judge you if you’re inexperienced. But I’d recommend putting the effort in regardless, as it can only make your sexytime better.
4. Feeling sad after sex? It might be the phenomenon known as ‘drop’.
During sex our brains release natural ‘happy’ chemicals in huge amounts. Unfortunately, we only have a limited supply in our bodies, sometimes leading to a deficiency in ‘happy brain drugs’ the next day. This is called ‘drop’. A day or two after a date, you may find yourself feeling flat, sad or empty. ‘Drop’ is hard to avoid – the best defence is looking after your body by drinking lots of water, eating well and getting a good nights’ sleep after your date. Know that it happens, and be ready to look after yourself if you feel down.
You might be thinking ‘Why bother learning all this stuff? Isn’t it an escort’s job to take care of everything?’
It’s true that a good escort will guide you in a way that makes you feel as though you don’t need to know everything. You’re not in charge – you should feel informed and supported no matter your level of experience. But us escorts are human too, and we only have a certain amount of energy to put into each booking. There are many aspects of our time together that that need to be considered: the booking process, planning a fun session, making you feel comfortable, getting things started, making sure the sex is great, and making sure you go home feeling good about yourself. That’s a lot of stuff for us to think about – and the less mental work we need to do, the more energy we can put into our genuine interactions with you.
It’s in your best interests to make sure we have as much energy as possible to put into the good bits (for example, getting to know you and being great in bed) rather than the less exciting bits (such as showing you how to make a booking). If the lead-up to our meeting involves a lot of explanations and requests for the information we need, then we won’t have as much energy left for the date. If you make the sex hard work (because you’re not sure what you want, or you aren’t willing to put some effort in yourself) then we might feel too worn out to make sure you feel cared for afterwards.
If you want the best possible experience, it’s worth learning the basic skills you need. After all, if you’re investing so much time, money and emotional energy into an encounter, why not ensure it’s the best one you can have?
Want to learn even more? You can download my free e-book ‘How to Have the Best Escort Date of Your Life’ on my website.